Cullens and Paintball: Return of Bella
by Miss Whoniverse
Summary: This one isn't as good as the first one XD By all means, read it; but it degenerates rather rapidly towards the end and I'm rather ashamed of it lol. Do read the first one, though, that one is good!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! I cannot believe how long it has been. See, with all the reviews on my Paintball oneshot, saying that I really **_**should **_**write a sequel, I felt really under pressure to make it as good as the first one. This one is still hopefully amusing, but it becomes more tactical as opposed to humorous while the actual battle plays out.**

**As I said, I'm worried that you all will be disappointed by what I have to give to you compared with how long you've all waited for this sequel, but here goes nothing!**

**Say hello to **_**The Cullens and Paintball: Return of Bella.**_

**Carlisle POV (just to be different)**

I heaved a great; dramatic sigh. _This _again.

It was another normal day; early afternoon, and I had just come home from the hospital. Guess what I find greeting me around the back of the house near the woods; instead of the usual bored kids playing games or making out, and Esme in her garden.

I suppose you realise I am about to tell you.

Alice, handing out bulky packages of ammunition. My gentle Esme, putting together some scopes for the sniper guns. Emmett, wearing an intense, army-like expression on his face as he handed out guns one by one after loading them and firing them into the ground to check that they worked. The rest of them sitting around, looking excited at the prospect of killing.

A truly chilling sight.

After staring for a moment at the activities before me, I decided I had three choices. I could either back away quietly; join in the fun; or revolutionise the rules completely with my greatest and most awesome invention ever. And no, telling you what it is now would just ruin it for you. I might just wait until the time is right, then blow their minds with the unveiling of something so intense, something so clever, that they will not even see it comi-

"Carlisle has a great and awesome invention that he's deciding whether or not to tell us!" yelled Edward instantly. All heads snapped to me and Edward grinned like a little kid who got his enemy in trouble.

My eyes narrowed.

His eyes narrowed.

We narrowed our eyes at each other.

**Alice POV**

OOH! Even _I _didn't see that coming! It must have been totally spontaneous. LIKE SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION! That would hurt. HAHA! MAYBE EDWARD WILL SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST! Carly would laugh. HEEHEE he hates it when I call him Carly! CARLY AND EDDY HAHAH!

Maybe I shouldn't have tried to see if laughing gas worked on vampires.

**Emmett POV**

After lengthy discussion (I hope Eddy heard me talk like that) we got Carly to reveal his secrets. What he had was AWESOME! The game was automatically AWESOME! This was going to be AWESOME! And hopefully the teams would be changed this time otherwise us being owned again would not be AWESOME! D:

**Carly POV**

As expected, they got it out of me eventually.

When I revealed the syringe shots, Emmett nearly fainted (with happiness).

"Here they are," I said smugly. "The first ever knockout drug for vampires."

There were 'ooh's and 'aah's which I took with yet another self-satisfied smile. Then I explained the rules I had devised to harness fully the awesomeness of my little darts.

"Now, to make it fair for the game and not end it too fast, these only will penetrate if fired with an exceptionally straight aim from a distance, or if they just hit one of us close-range.  
Say for example, Bella gets hit, okay? It goes in, she yells out in a moment of pain -just to make the game more exciting, the darts are quite painful for a moment – and she's down. Whoever shot her picks her up and takes her to somewhere he thinks her own team won't be able to find her, and then he runs off for more hunting. He's not allowed to guard her, and there's not much need – guarding is dangerous for him, and also, the darts are extremely potent. They-"

"How potent?" interrupted Edward suspiciously, an eye twitching. I watched it with my mouth slightly open to see if it would do it again. "It's not going to hurt any of us, is it?"

I sighed. Edward was somehow so... naïve.

"They won't kill, and they won't leave any lasting damage. Relax!" I assured him. "Anyway, the reason for me saying that guarding is pointless, is that once you get hit by a dart, you're down for at least twenty-four hours, unless someone from your team comes and revives you. Everyone will be given three antidote shots to administer as they will."

"Is that all?" asked Rosalie sarcastically. "_That's _not heaps to remember or anything."

She was met with awkward silence.

"Never mind," she muttered irritably.

**Bella POV **

"So, are we getting started?" I asked excitedly.

"Wait a minute, what about teams?" asked Emmett suspiciously. "We got screwed last time because the girls had Bella. We get her this time!"

"No, Emmet," said Alice evenly. "That was with paintballs. We were all moving human speed, so we should have technically been even, but Bella was at a slight advantage not having to concentrate on her speed, or not destroying the gun by holding it too hard – plus she had the handicaps we gave her anyway. This time, we're all total equals – and with vampire made guns too! I just love titanium..."

Emmett was left somewhat confused by all of this, and didn't respond. Alice was right, as everyone could see, but for Emmett, a simpler answer might have been required.

Rosalie leaned over and murmured, "... you actually have a chance this time, basically."

"Oh!" he said excitedly, sitting up. "Well let's go then!"

"Indeed," said Esme happily, making to stand up, but when she looked up again, everyone was gone. She pouted. "Oh, my violent family of idiots."

Then she smiled again.

"Idiots that I plan to beat! Come on, Dorothy! We're off to see the w-" began Esme manically, with a stupid smile on her face, before she was hit in the back of the net with Emmett's dart. She squeaked in shock for a second, then collapsed, one arm still raised in offering to the nonexistent girl from Kansas she had been talking to.

**Emmett POV**

HAH! YES! I actually got to FIRE MY GUN this time! Yes! And to top it all off, I know a great place to take her!

Which reminds me, I really have to get Bella. After the embarrassment of last time's scenario, everyone will be trying to get to her, and I have to be first!

And I will! Because it's only fair, a-HAHAH-... hurgnn....

**Third Person POV**

Emmett's body collapsed forwards, revealing a triumphant Bella standing behind him, gun outstretched.

"Hah!" she murmured quietly under her breath, kicking him in the chest lightly to make sure he was down. "Out like a light!"

She moved around him cautiously and bent down to examine Esme's fallen body. She reached one hand out, murmuring.

"Looks like a puncture straight to the base of the vertebra, possibly puncturing the spinal cord; very effective anthropologically speaki-EGO ASSINUM VITUPERO!" she interrupted herself, screaming out hysterically before jerking and tripping over her mother-in-law to land sprawled on her side, the picture of defencelessness.

"That'll teach her," muttered Edward, trying not to think about the fact that he had just shot his Bella. He was all prepared to go into a sermon in his head about his 'angel, so fragile and delicate and lovely and beautiful...' etc, but then his eye twitched in warning and he spun around.

"YOU-" he began hotly as he saw a flash of a tuft of spiky black hair, before it was prickling his face and a gun was jabbed unceremoniously upwards under his jaw.

"Night Edward!" called Alice cheerfully, and he gagged as he tasted the sedative that had been fired straight into his throat, and he fell.

**Alice POV**

I surveyed the scene with glee. They were ALL DEAD! ALL OF THEM! AHAHAHA! AND I WASN'T! They'd all wasted time being all stupid and heroic and stuff and surveying the scene, they'd forgotten, like complete FOOLS, to look behind the-

**Carlisle POV**

I felt a strange, unexplained satisfaction as I watched my hyperactive daughter's tiny body succumb to the poison almost instantly. I was perched on the roof, and sniping from there had a certain rogue feel to it that filled my limbs with manic electricity – it was adrenaline, and lots of it.

I wanted to jump, run, swing! Stretch my unbreakable muscles to their limits. Unfortunately, the very adrenaline pushing me to do this was preventing me from acting upon my urges – the smell of vampiric bodily chemicals is extremely strong to other vampires, and I'd be like a clown among mimes.

Ah, a very fitting analogy on many levels. I was just beginning to contemplate this when I was kicked sharply in the back, and I lurched forwards, half turning. Another sharp sting to my chest was felt a moment later, and I looked up to see my beautiful Rosalie, looking down at me with a mixture of satisfaction and glory, as she mercilessly flicked me off the roof with her foot.

I fell for an age, feeling like I was also falling through my mind – the drugs were affecting me. Unfortunately, as my body span to have me facing head-down (because the head is the heaviest extremity) I was still conscious, due to being a healthy adult male: the sedative took its time.

So, as my spine snapped with a sickening crack; my eyes began to prickle; and I lost all feeling from the neck down, I saw my daughter slide gracefully down the water drain on the side of my house and leap daintily over me to awaken her fallen comrades.

My last action as I succumbed to the darkness for God knows how long, was to slur out a sentence.

"Hurry youhr buhtt upp, Jhathpahh...."

**Rosalie POV**

My senses were in complete overdrive as I dashed at probably close to the speed of sound from body to body, carelessly stabbing antidote doses into the chests of my teammates. My eyes flickered around wildly, searching for any infinitesimal flicker or flash; my ears strained and muted breathing along with my hurried footsteps were the only sounds I heard, which unnerved and agitated me more than anything; my chest felt for all the world like a heart still resided there, thumping its living rhythm in a desperate encore to survive....

I was on total and complete alert.

As I flattened myself to the ground next to Bella, I looked at my last syringe. I wanted to save it, so I shoved it quickly into its cap with a satisfying click, and rummaged around in Bella's own hip bag for one of her needles. I stabbed her too, then rolled onto my back, keeping myself as squashed to the ground as possible, and held my breath.

The sounds of waking vampires and an already awake forest assaulted my sensitive ears. Maybe Jasper was too afraid to come close; formidable as I was.

After a moment, I dismissed that thought. I was alone in the middle of our backyard with slowly waking teammates sprawled around me in a slightly gruesome but highly amusing pileup of corpses. I had nowhere to run – if he was waiting for me to stand up so he could pick me off from a vantage point, he was going to have to wait.

I'd make Alice do it instead. He wouldn't shoot her... and even if he did, I'd still get away. _Some_one has to be beautiful.

**Bella POV**

My brain pounded inside my skull, as though it was trying to get out. I groaned loudly, and received a kick in the head for my trouble. I was about to loudly voice my complaints when Rosalie's urgent voice hissed into my already irritable ears and shushed me. Events of the thirty or so seconds before I joined the list of casualties trickled through my mind and I groaned at how stupid I'd been not to assess the situation before going in, then groaned once more because I groaned in the first place and I was supposed to be quiet,

Rosalie kicked me again.

**Edward POV**

_Floating in the darkness... neither detached nor attached... there's some background noise...- what is that?_

_Sounds kind of like... music... what is this place? What's going on? Are we dead; did we die? Dammit Carlisle, if we're dead because of your stupid sedative, I'm going to damn well kill you._

_The music is back... what the hell is that? It's getting louder, I wonder if it has lyri- ARGH!_

Never gonna GIVE YOU UP!  
Never gonna LET YOU DO-O-OWN!

'_Oh, God! God, no! NO!!'_

**Esme POV**

As I lurched sluggishly to consciousness, my mind blurted out the first things that it was aware of, before my mouth could catch up and think about what it was saying.

"Pull the hatch forward!" I squealed. "A value meal, you say? WHAT DAY IS IT GOOD SIR?"

My muscles twitched spasmodically and I jerked into a clumsy roll onto my belly.

"AND OUT OF THE OCEAN, THE GREAT CHALUPA KING. HE COMES WITH HIS MIGHTY BOLT OF ELECTRIC LIGHTNIGH FURY, MY CHALUPAS, I, DEFEND! FROM THE KING OF THE GREAT, CHALUPA SEA! WITH HIS ARMS OF MODERN STEAM POWERED ENGINE OF THE FUTURE-"

**Alice POV**

I bolted upright, my mouth responding to something my ears had heard but my mind hadn't actively processed.

"SIX NINETY-NINE FOR A VALUE MEAL, SIX NINETY-NINE FOR A VALUE MEAL!"

**Jasper POV**

I watched my sister and adoptive mother hysterically screaming out the lines to the song that the disembodied head on 'The Cloak' sings at the beginning, before Rosalie hauled them up irritably, ushering them away.

I decided to ignore their insanity, putting it down to after-effects of the sedative and its antidote.

I surveyed the scene, my geotactical mind processing the scene automatically. I knew that if I fired at them, they'd all come after me, and no matter how accurate I was, I only had three needles per-clip, and there would still be one to chase me down while I reloaded.

I waited with bated breath as they stumbled together into the woods opposite my perch. Rosalie was frustratedly ushering them all along quickly, her head snapping back to look anxiously over her shoulder every now and then.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

**Yes, that's right, my lov-er-ly readers, I decided to chapter-ise this one so I didn't have to sit down for four hours writing ten thousand words (exaggeration, I know, I know). It'll only be two or possibly three chapters; I just don't want to sit here typing on and on. :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**ONWARDS!**

**Thanks for the reviews so far; each and every one is appreciated. I feel the love, and I hope you all made it through the day without getting burned. Some of us were not so lucky.**

**For the record, don't lean casually on a stovetop and hit the hot plate thinking that since lunch was two hours ago, it won't be warm. A CERTAIN OLDER BROTHER may have cooked himself some noodles there and forgotten to turn the hot plate off.**

**Sorry for the uber short only-Jasper chapter, but it seemed an appropriate place to end the chapter. The next update shouldn't be too long, but I start school again next week and my I start work on the SAME DAY as well as music lessons starting again that week and the netball season starting. Plus the school forces us to play a separate sport with them, which starts too, and since I'm on a music scholarship I also have to participate in all the bands/orchestras/choirs/ensembles etc that I am able to... so obviously I'm going to be pretty busy! I only hope I finish the story by then.**

**I'm also working on a Bones story... but enough of this. Enjoy the very short next instalment of The Cullens and Paintball: Bella Returns**

**Jasper POV**

Keeping behind the edge of the wood, I circled silently, looking for any signs that I was going to get ambushed. The longer I waited, the more likely it was that they would set up some kind of ambush for me, but it looked like I was safe.

Feeling incredibly singled out, I dove out quickly and folded my arms into a circle for a smooth judo roll; normally which one would use to avoid broken bones if one was thrown or tripped while fighting.

It served my purpose, despite being slightly awkward, and I rolled up to land in a soft crouch, quickly squashing myself into the grass.

Esme had deliberately not mowed the grass for about two weeks leading up to this – how Carlisle hadn't noticed was beyond me. I started to epi-crawl through the stalks, manoeuvring myself between the thickest patches to avoid disturbing the surface too much.

Epi-crawling is kind of uncomfortable, but again it worked in the situation – my senses were on full alert as I lay on my side, twisting expertly using my shoulders and legs, the movement propelling me forwards.

I bumped into a shoed foot and almost leaped up, but then I realised it wasn't someone standing up; it belonged to a certain someone lying unconscious in front of me. A pause for breath and a quick sniff identified it as Edward.

I rolled onto my stomach, listening. Slowly moving my hand to my hip, I fumbled momentarily with the bag before withdrawing a sharp syringe.

Grinning slightly and inspecting the werewolf-bone tip, I reached out, stretching, and stabbed Edward firmly in the chest; hiding a grin as his body jerked reflexively and he gasped violently.

I pressed my chest to the ground and spread my legs out a little, turning my ankles in circles which pushed me forwards. I passed Edward, who was twitching convulsively, and I stabbed Emmett with a fresh needle in the neck on my way past him.

Emmett made no movement, and I paused to make sure the antidote had been deployed, before receiving a sharp whack in the side of my face for my trouble as Emmett sat bolt upright, arms flailing.

I flew back into Edward, who had just sat up and growled something about how he was going to kill Rick Astley, and we both tipped sideways, heads landing painfully on Carlisle's knees.

I think they cracked.

His knees, not our heads.

Edward started to swear reflexively, and he rolled away from me to strangle Emmet. I moaned and fell to my side, reaching under me for the last syringe. Reaching up weakly to stab down on Carlisle, I felt a sudden onslaught of emotion that wasn't my own.

Eyes narrowing as the emotion built up, I identified the owner as female.

And that could mean only one thing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry this took so long! I kept starting this, then scrapping it and starting a chapter for my Bones fic, then scrapping that and going for a bike ride to get rid of all the pent up creative energy. I mean, creative energy is all well and good, but when the muse is not co-operating it's best just to let it go.**

**Also, just for the sake of mentioning, my cat ran in here halfway through the chapter and I abandoned ship to grab him a towel and dry him off. Poor little guy was all damp and miserable! It's raining here in icky Tasmania, alternating between heat wave activity and freezing wind. Stupid climate.**

**So anyway, drop a review and enjoy the next (and longer) instalment of Bella Returns!**

**Jasper POV (because I enjoy it, and I KNOW you do too)**

My first reaction as I realised _THEY_ were doing _IT_ again was to hide under Carlisle's limp body, but then I realised with some despair that it wouldn't help at all.

Emmett and Edward finished their scuffle and turned to me with odd expressions. I figured that they were going to ask what was wrong and I opened my mouth to explain, but then I caught sight of their eyes.

They were skittering around in their sockets wildly, looking around in apparent desperation. Their mouths were open in silent yells for – I was guessing – help.

It was like a scene from a movie where the serial killer is about to get the victim and the victim's friends are suddenly and mysteriously incapacitated and the creepy violin music gets louder....

At about that point, a wave of constricting lethargy washed over me and I tripped over myself in my strain to get up – and found myself unable to continue the attempt.

My arms and legs got that droopy feeling where they desperately need to stretch and work a bit, and it was immensely frustrating that I couldn't move them.

"GET IT OVER WITH, ALREADY!" I shouted out (I swear to you that it was in no way begging or sobbing) to wherever the girls were hiding, but it turned out mumbly and barely coherent. My response was silence – cold, daunting silence.

Edward and Emmett still were apparently prisoners in their own bodies as they were lifted several feet off the ground. I stared in horror as their heads lolled to one side as they were slowly rotated.

They looked like creepy killer stuffed voodoo dolls, with the potential to do terrible things. Again, I swear to you here and now that I was _not _imagining the bright red sheen that crept across each of their eyes for a split second – I nearly started to sweat.

If I sweated, it would have had to be sweating blood – which would have been quite fitting.

Ominous footsteps broke the silence, and I dragged my head laboriously upwards through the long grass and soil to look up. I couldn't see much; from my angle the long grass took on the appearance of twisted spikes barring my way.

My breath became laboured and then stopped altogether as I struggled to lean up and see past the spikes.

The sight that greeted me was undoubtedly grim. Esme stood guard (against whom; I wasn't sure) over Rosalie and Alice who were slumped on the grass, apparently channelling all the tiredness and boredom that they could in my direction, while Bella padded nearly silently forwards, arms raised as she relished in her telekinetic control over my teammates.

I felt – with some annoyance – my Adam's apple bob apprehensively.

Lying back down, I closed my eyes and pretended to be unconscious; one hand creeping to my belt and I twisted it uncomfortably, letting it flop in a random looking way.

I started breathing again, softly and deeply, so that when Bella came closer she would think I was knocked out. I could only hope that her telekinesis didn't grant her some twisted electroencephalographic sensory ability – because that would suck.

As she grew nearer to us, she leaned forwards before taking each step, peering around carefully.

"I don't see the other two!" she called over her shoulder, nervously stepping further forwards. I felt with some excitement that the tiredness receded somewhat as the girls' attention was diverted.

"They have to be there," Alice trilled back.

"Well, they're n- oh, wait, I see Carlisle," called Bella, leaning over just a little. I could smell her now, quite clearly, and I could taste the apprehension in the back of my throat as it rolled off her.

She bent down ever so slowly, crouching with one arm still absently holding the other two still as she lightly touched the dart still sticking out of Carlisle's back.

When he didn't react as she kicked him gently, she straightened. "He's down!" she shouted back, and I regained even more control of my muscles. I had to struggle inwardly to keep the excitement limited to my mind so as not to alert anyone of my consciousness.

She looked up briefly at the guys who were still hanging there, and with a tiny turn of her hand they both span in the air to face her, eyes darting around until they caught her face. They looked murderous, and Edward was attempting to set his eyes on fire to seduce her.

"Nice try," she murmured, smiling sweetly at him. His mouth contorted irritably and the both of them proceeded to mouth obscenities and threats at her. She simply grinned and moved on.

Sniffing, she turned to the area I was in and walked forwards carefully. She seemed more confident, and I double checked that all my muscles were loose and limp.

"I have Carlisle, Edward, and Emmett," she yelled over to the girls as she jerked back at a small breeze ruffling the tips of the grass. "Edward and Emmett were sitting up so I could see them, and I found Carlisle here, so where's Jasper? Was he knocked out too?"

"I don't remember!" yelled back Rosalie. "Did anyone get him?"

"Not sure," murmured Esme, and I felt Alice's amusement.

"His military mind was always going to be a problem!" Alice twittered happily, and I felt the drowsiness disappear completely and the distant sounds of three vampiresses moving towards us.

Exulting quietly, I readied myself. The three girls collectively moved a little closer while Bella still padded around near me aimlessly, and I noticed Edward and Emmett deliberately not looking at me.

The guys were occasionally stealing a glance, so I winked slowly and their faces hardened as they tried not to smile. My hearing told me that Bella had taken another step and I was mildly surprised to suddenly see a slim, smooth leg land right near me. I moved my carefully positioned hand to my hip bag, pinching a syringe delicately.

"Could he have escaped without us noticing?" called Bells absently, now at a standstill. "I mean, I was sure I saw him with them before we attacked just now, but knowing him, he could have gotten awa-"

I didn't allow her to finish. Jerking up and jamming the syringe straight into her uncoiled calf muscle and grabbing her leg in both hands, I looked up.

Her muscles tightened in surprise and I marvelled momentarily at the immense power coiled beneath my hands as her shocked face jerked violently to stare at me, eyes widened. Out of the corner of my eye I noted Emmett's gleeful expression and Edward's more pained one.

I grinned evilly as the paralysis took effect, unbalancing her and she screamed out to the others in both pain; a cry for help, and an unintelligible warning.

The poison moved fast past her leg and into the chest and heart, and I felt the spasm as she fell unconscious, giving way. Jumping up exultantly, I caught her, glancing at her closed eyes before slinging her effortlessly over my shoulder.

Looking over to the girls who were staring in shock and beginning to look murderous, I jogged rapidly backwards and looked around for Edward and Emmett.

Nowhere to be seen.

Leaping boldly to the side and ducking into the shelter of the trees as the first dart struck the trunk I was hiding behind, I peered out carefully, using Bella's body shamelessly as a shield.

I realised with immense amusement that Emmett and Edward were way above me. The other girls and I shared a moment of truce as we all paused to watch the tiny black specks far above us slowly grow bigger, and the sounds of their terrified screaming getting louder.

The seizure that wracked Bells' body right as she was knocked out must have sent them a fair way up – they had still been in her control when the dart hit her, and the shock had sent her mind into a spasm; effectively shooting them in any which direction they happened to go in. Straight up, as it happened.

Objectively, they were actually pretty lucky. Bella's fragile exterior belied the power she held in her hands and mind. If they had gone anywhere but directly upwards, they would have ended up a _long _way away and it would have kinda ruined the game. Especially straight down.

It still would have been funny, though.


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm enjoying writing this story, hah... hope you lot are enjoying the read; and I hope it doesn't really bother you all that this one is more sequential than the other one which was mostly for humour's sake. Second or maybe third last chapter. Most likely second.**

**Also, I apologise in advance to my use of the metric system; because after all most of you are American and probably unfamiliar with it... although it is easier for an American to grasp the simple tens-and-hundreds system; as opposed to one of us falling easily into using your silly imperial system. I maintain that ours is far more logical and systematic!**

**Reviews are like McDonalds icecream... the first lick is the best, but you always remember the taste.**

I couldn't believe my luck when Edward landed on Alice.

I digress for you:

It was like the most conflicting thing you can ever possibly imagine in your entire existence – a vampire who can see the future and also has supernatural senses... getting flattened by a falling rock.

Edward laughed so hard he forgot about how annoyed he was. He had pummelled Alice a few metres down into the ground by his velocity; and she cushioned his fall. Being sufficiently dazed; she wasn't able to fight back against a bigger, stronger, and more conscious Edward who took the opportunity to stab her with a vampidermic needle.

And you know the most ironic part? The part that had me dropping Bella and collapsing in hysterics when Edward told me how he saw it?

Alice had been distracted by a vision when she was hit. She was having a vision about having a vision about having a vision (etcetera etcetera) and getting squashed. Then it came true while she was having said vision. My brain almost imploded as I tried to comprehend the catch twenty-two there, so I stopped thinking about it and we ran.

So, Rosalie and Esme had fled the scene intact; screaming profanities and threats of rescue over their shoulders. Carlisle was missing in action – or rather, missing in unconsciousness – the girls may have taken him with them, I wasn't sure. Emmett ran with us and Edward carried Alice. I ran with Bella in my arms – she weighed as much as a bag of feathers to me... vampiresses weren't very solid; but we men... tough stuff. Freaking hybrids, man.

**Edward POV (because you know you missed it)**

It seemed logical to me that Jasper and I would swap our hostages, but it just didn't seem important at the time. While it's happening, you just don't care; it's undeniably fun and exhilarating to play the game. **(AN: I just lost the game, and so did you)**

"Did we lose them?" called Emmett after a minute from a while off to my right.

"What?" I called back.

"They were following?" asked Jasper in a puzzled tone. His voice echoed faintly from even further past Emmett.

"Um... I thought that was why we were running," Emmett replied.

Oh. Huh.

There was silence for a few moments, then Jasper's lithe form skidded through the undergrowth and he jogged a few paces up a tree in front of us to dissipate his velocity before jumping down and speaking; and we all stopped.

"Good point."

"Now what?" I asked.

"Er...."

"Plan of attack?" asked Emmett gleefully. "Strategy? Battle tactics? Blueprints?"

"Radioactive spiders? Kryptonite?" I replied sarcastically. "This isn't a comic book. This is real. Evil – deadly. We have the podded peas of doom, but their counterparts lurk untamed!"

"Indeed," said Jasper seriously, while Emmett rolled his eyes and sat down on a rock.

"'d be more fun as a comic book," he mumbled irritably into his hands as he dropped his head into them.

Muffled whispers from a tree near us had us all craning our heads in surprise.

**Esme POV**

"Rosey," I hissed through the leaves at the vampiress a few branches higher than me.

"What?" she breathed back.

"Seen anything?"

"I'm just looking at Carlisle's dead-looking body and laughing to myself," she responded bluntly. "You?"

"Similar," I murmured, as though I was whispering secretively to the caterpillar on my nose and not to someone about fifteen metres higher up than I was. "What now?"

"I guess we should go get his body so that they don't revive him," suggested Rose. I shrugged and sat up; hearing her concurring movements.

"Sure. Now, how do we do that without being skewered?"

"It's unlikely we will," said Rose matter-of-factly.

"... er... so, this is a suicide mission?"

"No."

"Then... what?"

"Kamikaze."

"It's the same thing, dear."

"It's not. It's a battle suicide – for the good of the side!"

"We _are _the side, honey," I explained dryly. "We don't deal a huge amount of good by getting ourselves incapacitated."

"I know, I'm just bored!" said Rose in frustration, jumping out of the tree irritably. "I'm trying to find something to do. I need to run a little; have something to chase, or to run from-"

"Typical post-adrenaline low," I interrupted with a – motherly - smirk, and she turned her face upwards in mock (maybe) outrage before a lightning quick dart pierced her neck and she choked a cry of alarm before falling over sluggishly.

"Oh, shi-" _Whoosh_. Straight in the forehead. "Oh, fuhhrkyuuall-..."

And I fell.


	5. Chapter 5

**Finally, another chapter. Inspiration hit when I went back and forced myself to read the first four chapters, and I started giggling by halfway through the first one because I can totally imagine vampires acting like complete idiots and playing games like this! xD**

**Anyway, I hope you all enjoy, and I'm sorry for the wait – I'm just glad you are all patient people. Although, in absolute honesty, reviews really don't take a great deal of effort and they're so much fun to receive that isn't it worth the tiny amount of effort, if you enjoy what someone went through to provide you with something you enjoyed? I mean, I'm not begging, this applies to any story or chapter you read on FF that you enjoy. It's worth reviewing for the effort the author put in. DON'T YOU ALL LOVE GETTING REVIEWS? :D**

***cough*. Erm, anyway. Chapter Five!**

**Bella POV**

When they woke us up, we were all pretty pissed off.

Rosalie was still sort of asleep, woke up and saw Edward's grinning face staring at her, and shouted blearily, "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!" rolled over, and axed herself attempting to escape. Edward just laughed sinisterly and tripped over his feet trying stand up in an intimidating way.

When I heard Esme beside me roll over and groan, I sat up blearily.

Jasper, who was also sitting with his fingers steepled, watching us with an expression of EXTREMELY FRUSTRATING self satisfaction on his face, saw me move and turned his head to face me with a snort.

"Man, was it good to stab you, Bells," he grinned and I had to forcefully keep myself from leaping up and attacking him...- okay, that's a lie, I couldn't yet move. He continued, though. "I mean, after all the things you did to us men, taking you down was cold, wicked revenge."

"I'm sure she understands, Jasper," said Emmett sweetly. "No need to rub it in, right?"

Alice and Esme were waking up now.

"No, because it's not like they rubbed it in at all last time, huh?" agreed Edward, one finger tapping the corner of his mouth and glancing into space as he pretended to consider it.

"Oh, get off your high horse," snapped Rosalie. Emmett turned to her with such a huge grin I swear it took up half his face.

"Oh _no _Rose, you _lost_? Oh _DEAR_!"

Everyone was silent. Shocked. Emmett sort of grinned for a moment, looking round at everyone, then he faltered slightly at looked back at Rose's absolutely _furious _face.

Apparently at that point he realised what he'd done in his lunatic adrenaline high – he'd just been sarcastic. At _Rosalie_. He'd been an asshole – to... _Ro_salie.

This would not go down well. Oh- yep, up she gets...-

Anyway, basically he made a choked sound of disbelief and started forwards, she kicked him and ran off, he followed... you get the picture. Alice's head snapped to meet my gaze, then we simultaneously glared suspiciously at our husbands who at that point looked like twins. The Cheshire Cat syndrome again.

Esme saw us glaring at our partners and automatically went to look for Carlisle. Upon seeing him missing, she whipped around to stare at us, then joined us in glaring at Jasper and Edward who looked distinctly less cocky.

"Where is he?"

"Well, uh, that's the thing; see-"

"WHERE?"

"Um... we were hoping you could tell us."

We three stared in disbelief at the guys, who looked like they'd been caught raiding the cookie jar. After probably more than a minute of solid glaring, the guys' fiddling became annoying and I growled an order for them to stop it.

"You can't not have seen him. He was unconscious where everyone was. Right near the house."

"You idiots are exceptionally unobservant. Edward, you couldn't hear his dreams? Jasper, not his feelings in unconsciousness? Idiots!"

"What the hell were you thinking, waiting for us to respond to the antidote and then asking where he was? Go out there and sniff for maybe a third of a second!"

As we took it in turns to berate them, I jumped up and shoved past them to the window.

"See, he's righ-... th... what?"

Esme and Alice joined me. "Bells, you've lost him too? Haha, we left him right...-"

Esme just stared wordlessly at the slightly flattened patch of grass where the Cullen pa had previously been tangled in reeds, enjoying his chemically induced coma.

I was the first to move, spinning to face Edward and Jasper who were looking slightly scared.

"What the hell have you guys done with him?"

"We didn't do anything!" they wailed in unison. I marvelled for a moment at how childish they seemed, before turning back to the window as Alice and Esme began questioning them.

Running outside, I went to sniff around a little. A little of me, some of each guy and girl, lots of Jasper and a _lot _of Carlisle... some thistles and blackberry... wow, I didn't realise how uncomfortable I'd have been if I'd actually fallen here. I seemed to recall Jasper catching me before I landed, but the memory was blurred by the obscenities I'd been screaming in my head and attempting to scream out loud when it happened.

As I considered this, I went to step forwards to see if there was a trail of Carlisle's scent leading away, but a flurry of movement erupted behind me and adult hands encircled my mouth and neck before I could scream or look behind me.

I felt the tip of something sharp pierce my spine and I thrashed manically, attempting to escape. The hands let go, then caught and lowered me gently as I stumbled and fell.

My face brushed the grass before I was hoisted onto a strong shoulder and whisked away. The smell of the grass coupled with the obscenities again trumpeting in my mind combined to form what was the last thing I remembered before blacking out.

**Sorry, couldn't resist. Yes, it's still going to be fun, but I had to put something interesting in. Review, AND I WOULD LIKE FRIES WITH THAT. YOU KNOW WHAT, SCREW IT, I'D LIKE A HAPPY MEAL – BUT HERE'S THE CATCH. I WANT THE FRIES IN THE CUP. GOD HELP YOU IF MY DEMANDS ARE NOT MET.**


	6. Chapter 6

**I am quite sorry I've been so long, but you're all patient people, and the writers among you will know what it's like to have periods of time where you just cannot get the time to write. I've been really busy with school, work, sport, and breaking my thumb at netball.**

**So, I hope it's not too bad considering the amount of time you've had to wait for it. Next chapter won't be too long!**

**Enjoy and review!**

**Jasper POV**

"Where is she? Really?" asked Edward with narrowed eyes. "It's impossible to follow god damn scents on a freaking battlefield!"

We were all spread about through the garden and surrounding woods, searching for distinct Carlisle or Bella scents. Unfortunately, whenever we found a solitary trail of Carlisle (we couldn't find anything more than battlefield scents or faint brushes of scents for Bella) we couldn't exactly ask him if he'd been there during the game. It was impossible to know which ones were forged during the game or more recently.

"You mean, where are _they_, Edward," said Esme mildly, gingerly lifting a rotten log from its resting place sunk into the mud. I don't know why she lifted it – it couldn't possibly have helped. Maybe she just enjoyed pretending to be useful.

"No," said Emmett happily, "we mean 'where is she'. Carlisle gone, then Bella gone as well? No way. Not a chance – Carlisle's taken her."

"WHY would he do that?" muttered Esme irritably, rolling her eyes. "He's not an idiot – he's reasonable. He was probably just playing along with you lot so he could get it over with and get back to work."

"Yeah, that's why he designed a state-of-the-art tranquiliser specifically for the game," sniggered Rosalie.

"Hey, they are an amazing invention with a myriad of other uses; he did _not _create them just for the game-"

Edward interrupted her tirade with a snort. "Yes he did. Trust me."

"Why should I trust you? You superglued everything in my kitchen to the floor. I had to set it on fire to get rid of the stench."

"I- you-..." Edward paused. "It was a joke."

"Because we ALL KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVE JOKES-" began Alice, dancing in a circle like the manic little pixie she was, before squeaking slightly and vanishing from sight.

That was it – boom, gone. No forewarning, no freaky vision, just suddenly Alice was gone and there was an eerily swinging trapdoor right below where she had been.

The entire (remaining) family was assembled within seconds in a rough circle around the gaping hole. The lid of the trapdoor was slowing gradually, and the repetitive, faint squeak of each swing tickled our nerves.

"Everyone saw that, right?" murmured Emmett after a moment of silence. Muted nods came from each person.

"Right, it was Carlisle," I muttered hotly. "Gotta be."

"Now you're acting like Edward," said Rosalie with an exasperated eyeroll.

"Alice is gone; Bella is gone – of course we're going to act the same!" shouted Edward hysterically, throwing his arms into the air melodramatically.

Emmett's subdued giggle broke the millisecond of silence following Edward's outburst. Everyone turned to stare at him, and he shrugged self-consciously.

"Just notice how the guys with missing girls are freaking out and getting defensive and angry, but the girl with the missing guy is just acting like the guy is being a pain in the ass by being missing," chortled Emmett by way of explanation. When he received no immediate response, he cocked his head. "... I thought it was interesting."

"That..." began Edward slowly.

"... was the smartest thing you have ever said," completed Rosalie with awe. "Oh my god Emmett-" she started towards him with every intention of taking him down right there and then, in front of everyone. He opened his arms eagerly in response....

... before receiving a dart in the side of his neck and plunging straight into the trap hole.

Rosalie stood there silently, frozen in the act of stepping forward with her arms outstretched. After a second she dropped her arms, and then slowly drew herself upright.

There was a prolonged pause while everyone else stared.

She wet her lips hesitantly.

"... fuck."


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey all! Shoutout to a new reader, fanpire. Thanks for your reviews XD**

**This story has no real point; it's just a bit of fun. I'll keep it going as long as I feel like, although since it's a sequel to another story, I might wrap it up soon and start something new that I can channel all my creativity into.**

**Sab, where are the updates, man? Missing it!**

**But without further ado; chapter seven. :)**

**Jasper POV**

"Jasper; is anyone else down there?" asked Rosalie nervously. Her tension was obvious but I could still tell that she wasn't overly worried about Emmett. As he had rightly pointed out (in a rare moment of insight) the girls didn't seem to care too much about their missing other-halves, but the guys were freaking out about theirs.

Speaking of which; Alice was tucked firmly into my side and was NOT going anywhere.

"Why ask him?" interrupted Edward snippily. "I'M the one who can read minds. And no, nobody else is down there. Just Emmett, thinking about chicken."

There was silence for a moment. Nobody remarked on the chicken.

"You know, Bells _is_ missing, but you're really a constant asshat, you know that?"

**Esme POV**

While the little kiddies fought, I sniffed around a little bit for any sign of Carlisle. It didn't achieve much; I just wanted to feel useful.

**Rosalie POV**

Well, this fucking sucks. Fuck.

**Alice POV**

Oh, this is going to be good.

**Edward POV**

Hahaha, Emmett is waking up.

**Emmett POV**

As the asshole darkness decided it was ready to fade, I felt my mouth begin to move; pouring out the swear words that had been echoing in my head since the freaking dart got me.

"GOD DAMN IT! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS PLACE? AND WHY AM I EVEN AWAKE? I SHOULDN'T BE AWAKE; THE DART WAS LIKE FIVE MINUTES AGO! THIS SHIT IS FUCKED UP, MAN--...."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

So here I am, at the bottom of this freaking well thing, with Jasper, Edward, Rosalie, and Esme at the top. Bella and Carlisle are missing, and Alice sitting beside me as a constant stream of muted giggles. She was still holding the antidote she'd used to revive me; it was clutched in her little pixie hand.

I'm contemplating scaling the wall of the WELL but I don't really think it's worth the effort. I mean, it's not like it's any effort, but then I have to plunge back into the madness, and I really don't...

Wait. Me? Emmett? Not... wanting to... WHAT? Since when have I been a fan of being out of the loop when MADNESS is concerned? I-... what the hell is going on?

"Alice what the fuck did you do to me?"

**Jasper POV**

Edward is laughing now. Quite hard. It seems he's forgotten about Bella being missi- oh, no, wait, he heard that... now he's not laughing... now he's coming towards m- OH MY GOD HE FELL IN THE HOLE! HAHAHA!

I can hear Emmett's crazy emotions as he's trying to figure out who he is and why Edward just landed on him.

I'm starting to get sick of this. I mean, it's like a shitty fanfic – heaps of random events happening in a shattered order that makes no sense with regard to a plot of any kind; people dying and laughing and acting out of character; villains who suck at what they do but are still evil and such... jesus Christ, I think we are in a book. Some hormonal teenager is writing about us right now, laughing to herself as I mouth off at her...- OH WAIT! DON'T SMITE ME OH GOD-

**Esme POV**

As a large bolt of unprecedented lightning strikes Jasper and he falls screaming into the hole, I decide I've had enough.

Pulling my dart gun out of my pocket, I quickly shoot Rosalie, kick her into the hole, then aim carefully and shoot my entire (screaming and yelling) family, then myself. It's just a stupid day full of stupid happenings that have lost all meaning and I'm pretty sure Carlisle is behind it all anyway, and he's going to see this and laugh to himself, and he's going to wake us up and then it will all be over.

Almost.

My last thoughts as I fall are that I'm going to shoot my husband as well when I wake up.

**THE END.**

**Holy crap guys, I'm so sorry that this fic even exists. It is undoubtedly the worst, most pointless piece of writing I've ever created and I'm probably going to pull it down now that I've decided that for good.**

**It just lost all meaning... when you have a good fic and then you go to write a sequel without any real plot or purpose, it inevitably turns to crap. It was never intended to go on to a sequel, and I knew when I started that something like this would happen XD**

**Good lord. If you guys think I should take this down from the site, by all means say so. I abandoned ship and cut it off pretty messily, I know... but I don't think it's any good anyway :3 AGAIN, APOLOGIES FOR BRINGING THIS INTO THE WORLD!**


	8. AN

**Hello there one and all, it's me again!**

**Two things – firstly, I'm pretty sure there was no disclaimer anywhere in the story, so: I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT. Ahem. Just quietly, Breaking Dawn would have been lots better if I did. Or if pretty much anyone else did.**

**Secondly, as I was going to explain as the story went on but then I stopped the story, Carlisle was kicked on someone's way past or away from where he was in a coma, and he was impaled on an uncapped antidote which was sticking out of his belt bag - remember when he was crouched on the roof a few chapters back, and then Rosalie kicked him off? He had uncapped one while watching the scene unfold, and then he never used it and it just hung around uncapped. That's how he woke up without anybody waking him up, lol!**

**I had a few readers reviewing and asking what happened, and I realised that I never explained it; sorry guys! I then would have had him waking up and being annoyed at how the game played out, or he was still woozy and confused, or something like that, and then he ran off into the forest. Coming to some kind of conclusion after a little while, or maybe just acting on impulse, he kidnapped the next person to come out looking for him.**

**I can't really explain that part; I had a few ideas but I'm the kind of writer who sits down to do a chapter, reads a chapter or so back to get an idea of what's been done, and then decides what will happen next.**

**Hope nobody is too confused =/ Review with any questions :3**

**~ Miss Whoniverse**


End file.
